Weighing In

Donating blood. Sounds simple, right? Wrong.

I participated in a blood drive recently. It had been so long since I donated blood, I forgot about all the details involved. All for a few bagsful of blood. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the work done by the medical staff to make sure my blood is safe, but the extent of their efforts humbled me. It reminded me my blood could be life-threatening if they didn’t process it correctly. I prefer to think of my blood as life-giving.

First, there were clinical steps. Blood pressure, check. Finger stick test for something-or-other, check. Temperature. Check. Whew, thankfully I’m passing the test so far.

Next came the many pages of questions regarding my health. The bored technician rattled them off, one at a time, in his monotone rant, until eventually they all sounded the same.

“Do you have, or have you ever had, sickle-cell anemia?”

“No.”

“Do you have, or have you ever had, cancer?”

“No.”

To keep myself alert, I started to say a silent prayer with each “No.” It helped.

By the time he got to the bottom of the fourth page, the technician stated (in the same monotone manner),“Have you ever been pregnant?” I automatically said “No,” following my pattern of answers so far. He hesitated, and then asked again, figuring I probably had children, after which I said “Yes.” I guess he was listening to my answers after all.

“Have you ever had malaria?”

“No.”

“Have you been out of the country in the past six months?”

“No.”

And then came the worst question of all.

“What do you weigh?”

Gulp.

I hesitated, thought for a minute, subtracted five pounds and gave him my number. I already felt I was being judged, but this kicked it up a notch. A huge notch. I found myself wondering the reason for the question. The others questions made more sense to me, since they have something to do with the quality of my blood. But my weight? Does what I weigh affect the value of my blood? Am I too fat to qualify as a life-giver?

The medical questions were finally finished and I moved to the next station, where I did what I came to do: donate blood.

After donating, I headed to the snack table. Okay, I’ll admit, this is my favorite part. It feels like a little window of pampering, being told to sit and eat a snack. The blood drive was held in a local high school, and as a result the volunteer staff included several high school students. Two teenage girls assisted me by offering snacks and drinks before they went back to their own conversation.

“Did you give blood yet?” one said to the other.

“No, they won’t take me. I want to just tell them I weigh 115 so I can donate. It’s only five pounds.”

So this was why I was asked to give my weight. I needed to weigh in at least 115 to qualify as a donor. Nope, not a problem for me. I haven’t seen 115 pounds since elementary school. However, to hear this girl want to flub her numbers to donate gave me a new appreciation for those five pounds I “automatically” knocked off my weight for the records.

Many times, I let my weight interfere with feeling like a life-giver. When will I recognize I’m perfect just as I am? What a great lesson and reminder that God knew me before I was born, and I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.” His Word? Now that’s life-giving.

How about you? Do you ever wonder if you qualify to be a life-giver? Does your weight get in the way of how you feel about yourself?

Messages from Moses

Every year for the past several years, I have been enjoying a bible-read-through plan for the year. I’ve changed versions to the Message Bible this year for a fresh new perspective. The Old Testament is particularly interesting since it now reads like an exciting novel, full of drama, crazy adventures and tons of life lessons.

Last week I finished chapter 6 in Exodus and started reading chapter 7. I’m in the story of Moses and how he had to get over his insecurities to follow God’s plans for him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. These plans included the fact that Moses was told by God to speak to the head honcho in Egypt, Pharaoh. God told Moses exactly what to do, when to do it, and what to say. Moses had some sort of speech impediment which caused him to stutter. God chose Moses to speak regardless of the stutter but did concede and allow Moses to get help from his brother Aaron. Here’s the text:

Exodus 6:30 – 7:1 (Msg)
“And Moses answered, ‘Look at me. I stutter. Why would Pharaoh listen to me?”
God told Moses, “Look at me. I’ll make you as a god to Pharaoh and your brother Aaron will be your prophet. You are to speak everything I command you, and your brother Aaron will tell it to Pharaoh….”

I learned a few lessons here:

1. Where’s my focus?
I was intrigued to notice that Moses began his answer with “LOOK AT ME…” and God began HIS answer saying…you got it…”Look at ME!” When we are about to do something big for God, it’s easy to get lost in our insecurities and fears, but those insecurities can only have power over us if we look at them. Instead of remembering his own stutter, Moses was instructed to look at God and God’s awesome power.
As I continue down this path of health and weight loss, I am often paralyzed with the belief that I am not able to do what I need to do for the rest of my life. And then these beautiful reminders of the focus on God bring me back to a sense of hope.

2. Where’s my help?
Even though God could certainly have decided to have Moses be the head spokesperson with or without his stutter, I love the fact that God still allowed Moses to get help from his brother Aaron.
I was humbled to remember that God knows all about me, and that includes the fact that I need help here on earth, too. And so I continue attending my Weight Watchers meetings; I continue my sweaty workouts too, whether I feel like it that day or not.

3. Who’s in charge?
Moses had a big assignment but God was still in charge of the outcome and the lessons learned along the way. Similarly, I have my own assignment to do what God planned for me, and if I have day-to-day struggles along the way, they are not to get in the way of the big picture. Who’s in charge? God! And for that I’m grateful.

And I thought bible reading might be boring! I look forward to more lessons along the way in these Old Testament stories---how about you?

New Years' Resolution to Lose Weight

Happy New Year!...?

A lifetime of associating January 1st with weight loss resolutions, and this one is no different. A favorite line of mine: "another new year; another new year's resolution to lose weight..."

Yes, I've lost over one hundred pounds. And yes, I've gained a few of them back. Yes, I say once again this year "another new year; another new year's resolution to lose weight." And yes, I continue to write my memoir "Gain Faith, Lose Weight" and yes, I still pray every single day for help with this weight loss thing and yes, I still go to Weight Watchers' meetings faithfully, and yes, I still work out five days a week.

God knows all that. And He still helps me! Today, I discovered a new book out by an already-favorite author of mine which is my own personal gift of help from God in moving ahead on these last few months of book-writing and losing those last ten or maybe twenty pounds. I will be participating in an online podcast by Lysa TerKeurst based on her book "Made to Crave." It'll start January 10th if you want to join me...check out http://madetocrave.org/webcast/

I still crave God and boy oh boy He always delivers...even more than dark chocolate.

Who's the Cop Chasing?

It’s time to drive more cautiously; y’know—stay within the speed limit. No, no speeding tickets for me recently, but SOMEone out there got them.

Two driving occasions: the first one—I was driving along on a highway, just around (okay, above) the speed limit, but going with the flow of traffic. I’m somewhat attentive but somewhat mindless. My attention span increases exponentially with the bright flashing lights of the cop car in my rearview mirror. Not a fun sight. The ‘uh-oh-did-I-get-caught’ thoughts went flying through my mind; admittedly, the ‘oh, man, how much is this going to cost me?’ thoughts were in there too. Seconds later, the police car passes me on the left to chase someone way out in front. Whew.

Second driving occasion: inching slowly on a congested road in town; again, I’m somewhat attentive but somewhat mindless. A police car is off to the right shoulder of the road in front of me. Within seconds, he puts on his flashers and cuts out in traffic in front of me to go after someone up ahead. At least this time I was sure I wasn’t speeding.

I am still thinking about these incidents because they remind me that the rules haven’t changed; I simply didn’t get caught. How many of us are living like this---somewhat attentive but somewhat mindless? The rules I speak of here are the speed limit signs; decades of driving experience dictate that I am aware of speed limit signs and what they mean. Decades of driving experience does not change the fact that I am to adhere to these signs. Even when I’m staying within the rules, as in the second example when I was driving slowly, I could still be more attentive to the signs.

Why mention all this? I know it’s the same with my weight loss journey and with my faith journey. Like the driving, I need to continue to be alert with my weight and faith; to be more than somewhat attentive and not at all mindless; to not only know the rules but to follow them too. The wakeup call of a police officer’s flashing lights are occasionally needed as reminders, but I’m planning to make sure I don’t need too many of those reminders. God is there every morning and so am I, talking with Him. That should be enough of a reminder.

Tip of the week:
Keep it simple! In these summer months, preparing and cooking meals can be challenging for our schedules as well as our heat levels! I find salads, quick-fix sandwiches and simple fruits and vegetables to be a helpful resource, particularly now.

Starting Over...and Over...and Over

The sunrise. My early morning alarm. Birds chirping. Enticing coffee aroma. (gotta love those timer-started-coffee makers!) Time to start a new day. Again.

My prayer: “Dear God: Help! I’ve lost and gained the same three pounds for the last four months. What is that about? Is it mental or physical? I need to start over and lose these three pounds again, and then a few more to reach my final goal weight.”

It’s the beginning of another morning regimen and I’m blessed to be able to start a new day. The new day is my gift so that I can indulge in a new commitment towards healthy eating. I love the sense of a clean slate; the food tally marked with a zero; the restart that comes with the morning. This clean slate is a chance at hope. When I flounder on my eating program, it’s the restart that reminds me I am not perfect. The restarts are the only way to live within a life filled with imperfection.

It is my belief that these restarts are the most critical key for life-time success in weight loss. These restarts represent my prayer time. Going to the table again, coffee in hand, to have my morning chat with God, is what constitutes healthy living, regardless of my food choices. The healthy weight goals are going to be my daily battle for the rest of my life, and the only way I can survive the longevity of this battle is to break it down into these 24-hour chunks of time. Then and only then can I accept that there’s no need to throw in the towel—ever. I’m basking in the new sunrise—and I anticipate my restart—again.

Thankfully, God is available each morning along with that sunrise. I can count on that. “Amen.”

Shaping Up My Body Image

The circle.
Round, nondescript, fluid. When I was a kid, my obesity was clearly announced with a simple chant by the other kids: “Lisa Pizza, Lisa Pizza.” Wincing, I remember thinking how bizarre that a popular name like Lisa would have to rhyme with a popular food commonly associated with being overweight. I felt as round and nondescript as the shape of that pizza. I associate my childhood memories with specially-made clothes, thighs rubbing together, the talcum powder used as salve, and struggling to fit in all through my elementary school years.


The square.
Somewhat uninteresting, edgy, evenly distributed. I think of building blocks and parallel sides when I think of the square. I’m remembering my high school geometry teacher, Mrs. Weber, with a smile. She taught us all those rules of geometry and the related theorems and proofs. By high school, I had more of an edge, but felt I still could have easily switched back to the circle if I let my guard down. I learned the rules for taking care of myself to get that edge.


The horizontal rectangle.
Later in my adulthood, I matured a bit and came into my own level of self-awareness and shape. I still had the edges required to speak up for myself, but have also had to deal with serious weight issues by this point in time, eventually escalating to being more than 100 pounds overweight. I realized I needed to make some changes in my life and habits, which would soften those edges toward a preferred hourglass shape, defining myself as a healthy woman. The required first step, however, would be the extreme weight loss needed to change shapes. My next step would keep me in rectangular form, but to turn it upright. Then, at least, it might feel familiar but with a slightly different perspective.


The vertical rectangle.
Still edgy and still structured, giving a new perspective. My vertical rectangle finally puts me closer to the hourglass shape I desire. I am surprised at times, however, when I notice “bony” shoulders; or a when a stranger calls me “petite”, or when someone assumes I am a size “small”. This general sense of being smaller is unfamiliar. I remember noticing cheekbones for the first time instead of the former roundness in my face. I’m really just an average shape, but it’s new and small to me; it will take time for my mind to adjust to what my physical body feels like.


The hourglass.
This hourglass shape is generally like the rectangle but smoother; softer; more interesting and fluid. A sense of shape but not defined by the shape. I’m moving closer to this image of myself. It may take a while, like watching the sands drop through an hourglass, one grain at a time, but it will be worth it.

Get Out Of Jail Free card

Several years ago, I started a new game. Losing weight.

Like Monopoly, it goes on and on. A long game. A game with some objectives, but most times I have no idea how it’ll turn out. It’s familiar, though, not only to me but to everyone I know. It’s sometimes mundane, sometimes fun.

I picked my favorite playing piece, the shoe.

I like the shoe, not because of the implied exercise and health associated with it, but because it’s easy to hold. I simply like it. Reminds me to move in my own way, one little step at a time. I gathered my stash of cash: two $500s, two $100s, two $50s, six $20s, five $10s, five $5s and five $1s. The play money, like the weight loss training, support systems, healthy food and exercise plan, will buy me long-term investment in this weight loss game. I put the shoe on GO. It’s a new beginning; a chance at a healthy life.

I rolled the dice quickly and headed for Reading Railroad.

Full steam ahead. Gotta love those railroads. Like new habits, the more railroads I own, the better the results. I learned new ways to eat, cooked food differently, and enjoyed fruits and vegetables again.

Rolled the dice again. Landed me in a spot where I’m “Just visiting” jail.

I’m somewhat safe. The prison that I call a binge is a mental barrier that sees no light. All that can be seen is food and more food. All that can be done is the consumption of it. Since I’m just visiting, I can see what it’s like to be stuck in old habits, but still have the energy to move on. I survived a few events where old habits of overeating could have taken over but instead I managed: weddings, family holiday gatherings, picnic buffets, restaurant outings.

Rolled again. Headed down the stretch to Free Parking.

I stayed and rested a bit. I re-evaluated my new eating habits. I enlisted the help of friends and family to support me on this weight loss ride. I researched food information: calories, fat, fiber, nutrients.

Rolled again. Down the last corner, heading towards ‘GO’ again. Passing GO, I collected my $200 of new motivation to go around again. Time for a CHANCE card this time.

Ugh. Go to Jail, Go Directly To Jail, Do Not Pass GO, Do Not Collect $200. JAIL. The binge begins. I start to eat some food, then some more, then more and more until I decide to eat whatever I can find that doesn’t walk away from me. Stuck in the prison of my mind, I chew until I can’t think anymore.

This is the time for Get Out of Jail Free card. This is the time to simply throw down that yellow card and move on. No waiting three turns until a possible double shows on the dice. No paying my way out. Simply place the card and move on. It is the same “free” card I get with the gift of salvation. By accepting it, I get the chance to live my life differently. I’m so thankful.

Here I am, several years after starting this game, and I still need the reminder of this card. It’s worthless unless I use it, so I motivate myself to remember it exists and simply allow the freedom it provides.

I like this card.

Time Management

Time management is practically an oxymoron--who manages time anyway? We like to think we manage time, but it's simply another commodity to spend. Once spent, it is gone, unless other currency with interest income or perhaps appreciation as added value. Instead, time is spent and as a result is gone.

Time, once spent, equals life. Our life experiences are simply the way we use this particular commodity. Our values are reflected in this way, too.

As a mom of young children, my clock revolves around theirs. I've learned each step matters, just like the weight loss journey, where it's not each pound, but each quarter of a pound that added up to the sum total of a hundred pounds lost. Wow.

Each precious block of time for writing will add up to the finished manuscript. Wow.