Friday, April 1, 2016

Mistress Cancer

Unwelcome, she takes energy away from our marital intimacy. She requires my husband’s time and attention. She penetrates through to his veins, taking over his body, inside and out. She has her own rules, statistics and the illusion of a plan. She flirts with unpredictability, her greatest strength, her source of passion. She calls on my husband any time of day or night. Sometimes, he ignores her. Sometimes, he can’t.

She is Cancer.
This mistress is a Life-changer, a Killer, and an Enemy.

It was April 1, 2011 when my husband was diagnosed. I was shocked. We thought it was something related to reflux or other gastro-whatever conditions he experienced. But tumors? They were not expected.

I went into survival mode. Learning whatever I could about what was going on. Tests, more tests, research, doctor’s appointments. Planning for treatments, impact on our family, our financials. How do you plan what you do not know?

It’s now five years later and Joe is stable under the treatment of a clinical trial. Basically, it means he is on a chemotherapy regimen which seems to be working to stabilize the cancer, which will never be gone. Never. Yes, I know miracles are possible, and yes, I’ll embrace anyone who joins me in prayer for the miracles. In the meantime, however, I live with her.

I want her gone. Can I forgive her? Can I let go?

She is cancer. She is simply a diagnosis.

I am Lisa, Joe’s Wife. Holding on to hope in this complicated life.






Lori Hynson said...

Praying for that miracle, Lisa, but praying for God's comfort for all of you in the storm, in the "new normal."

suzanne said...

Sometimes hope is all we have. You are a wonderful person who lifts up all those that meet you. May we who do know you be able to lift you up and help you in this journey. p.s. Mistresses NEVER get they guy... :) "He will never leave his wife" (When Harry Met Sally quote)

Lisa Tomarelli said...

Thanks for the comments, Suzanne and Lori! And I appreciated your Harry Met Sally're right!

NaziCat said...

Cancer sucks. As a writer, I like your analogy to cancer being a mistress.

As a friend, sending prayers to you and your family.

DonnaGalanti said...

Truly hope a forever cure comes along Lisa! What a difficult road you have. Hope it's filled with faith and love and hope.

Dorit Sasson said...

This sounds so hard. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, Lisa. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Dorit Sasson
author of Accidental Soldier: A Memoir of Service and Sacrifice in the Israel Defense Forces