Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Noise Noise Noise

I’m sitting here by the open window on an incredibly gorgeous day in June. I picked today to get some writing done, with perfect 70 degree weather and a slight breeze to accompany me. An unwelcome companion, however, is the street worker who decided to tackle repairs in the road in front of my house. Seriously? Today of all days? The sound of the street cutting machine grinds its teeth into my brain while slicing a cut into the road out front. It won’t stop. For hours. I think to myself, just shut it out and pretend it’s only white noise in the background. I continue with my day’s work, and over time I’m less aware (consciously at least) of the grinding roar of the motor. My subconscious mind, however, remains tuned in to the high volume of the gears. Suddenly, the machine stops. I feel my body melt into my wooden chair. The quiet, thick and welcoming, drapes me like a soft blanket. I want to stay still as long as possible to soak in the nurturing peace I didn’t realize was missing. What did the noise prevent me from hearing, I wonder? My thoughts. They run a mile a minute in haphazard fashion on a normal day but the grating background noise kicked my thoughts into hyper overdrive. Finally, the silence, like a lasso, gave me something to grasp so that I could reel my thoughts back into marching band precision.

A busy wife and mom of teenagers, I run on hyper overdrive on a regular basis. Drop the kids off somewhere, run errands, go to work, get groceries, make dinner, set up the doctors’ appointments, manage the calendar, check in on my parents, pay the bills, oh, and pick the kids up. It’s no wonder when someone asks “What do you do?” I assume the deer-in-headlights expression because I don’t know where to start.

One of my favorite bible verses is Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God.” Ahhh. Now we’re talking. This is the type of ‘stillness’ I’m looking for. Only with pockets of quiet can I bring sanity and order into my life and mind. I need to force myself to maintain the discipline of being quiet, even if for a few minutes, on a daily basis so I can hold on to the peace I desire. Then, I am a better wife, better mom, better friend and overall better version of myself.


Kerry Gans said...

My version of peace and quiet is not necessarily a total lack of noise (when can we ever get that in this day and age?). To me it is no child, no husband, no EXPECTATIONS. Even when Toddler is asleep, I have to keep an ear out for her. Even though my husband is wonderful about letting me work while he does something else, I am still always aware of him and part of me feels guilty that I am not spending the time with him. So for me the quiet is more than just a lack of sound--it's a lack of pressure from the proximity of other people. It's rare I get that, and precious when I do!

Lisa Tomarelli said...

I can still remember those days, Kerry. It's not about the silence, but the solitude that we cherish.

mike said...

One of my favorite bible verses is Matthew 7:1, "Do not judge so that you will not be judged". I'm sure there are 47 ways to override this commandment from god. After all, we can't let christian morality stand in the way of leading a hyper-productive life.