“Hey, baby. I’m in
here. Go ahead, grab a spoon and get me out of this cold corner. It’s time for
you to indulge.”
The cold, smooth vanilla creaminess with buttery undertones
threw my taste buds into heavenly overdrive. Crunchy candy pieces of chocolate
lingered long after the vanilla was gone. I wanted—no, needed—more. Just
another spoonful. Only there was no way to end it. A spoonful turned into a
carton. At least it was a pint, not a half-gallon, I thought.
Three days later, it was time to weigh in again. Three
pounds up. Ugh. Dreaded ice cream. You give love a bad name.
It’s all about balance, they say.
But how do I balance a crashing wave? I’m supposed to fall
over, sink under, swim for a while, maybe catch my breath later. My desire for
sweets is one-directional. It’s always a “yes.” What’s to balance?
Eat just a little, they say.
But how can I section out a portion of joy, when by its very
nature joy is all about abundance? Why consider even a little bit when I can’t figure
out when I have had enough? Happiness is a dessert buffet, especially if it
contains the Italian cookies I ate growing up, and of course any form of
chocolate. Love has no bounds so why should my dessert have a limit?
Measure your food and count your calories, they say.
But how can I measure the moments I love? Seeing my son
after a couple months of being away at college, or spending time watching a
movie with my husband, or catching a cup of coffee with a girlfriend, or
sharing an after-school hug with my daughter---these are all unmeasurable. When
I weigh out my grilled chicken or measure a portion of cottage cheese, I
believe I have some control over food, but, seriously, it’s only the healthy
food I’m measuring. Who wants to measure the good stuff?
Love unbounded, like a giggling child running through a big
wet puddle just to see how high the water will splash, is the best way to
experience it. It’s not available in single-serving sizes. Love is an
all-you-can-eat buffet of deliciousness.
But by continuing my discipline of day-to-day weighing,
measuring and tracking, most of the time at least, I gain the freedom to
understand how to love my own self without the ice cream. To love my body which
can dance, run, climb stairs and hug a friend means to take care of it. And
this means the ice cream must be kept to a single-serving size. Love can be a buffet. It costs no
calories but lingers long after the experience.
Ice cream, you give love a bad name. But I love you anyway.
1 John 2:15-16
“Do
not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the
love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of
sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes
not from the Father but from the world.”
I
want to enjoy my sweets in single-serving sizes, and indulge in the sweetness
of God’s love with unmeasurable abundance. I’m still learning to do this, one
day at a time.
