How is it that my miniature patch of yard containing only two hedges formed so many weeds overnight?
Kneeling, I was armed with a hand-held rake and garden gloves. I eyed the first clump of crabgrass and figured I could take it down in one round. Grabbing tightly from the middle, I yanked. I ended up with a tiny handful of green slivers in my glove. Time for round two. I dug the garden rake just around the center of the clump and pulled, scraping bits of dirt to the top. The root's wiry white tentacles held on to the deepest recesses of the ground. After a couple more tries, the root released. Methodically, I tackled each weed in similar fashion, finally cleaning up the garden for now, at least.
Those weeds would grow again, and I knew it.
To me, those weeds represented the deepest recesses of my heart I've allowed to get locked away in an attempt to deal with changes. And now, my son is several hours away at college, and my daughter about to start senior year of high school.
As I snapped my daughter's "first day" photo, the reality snapped right back.
This was my LAST "first day" photo.
I wish my diligent recording of time could make it stand still.
This isn't about "letting go" as so many seem to advise. It's about redefining my role. I'll never stop being a mom to these two incredible humans, but these moments have forced me to stop and see things differently. My children have grown and changed, but more significantly, being a mom has changed ME. Motherhood forced me to engage my heart in ways I never knew, into the deepest chambers of life--theirs and mine. As I've used my heart in nurturing ways, I learned I could love more deeply than I ever imagined.
It's time to dig out the weeds stuck in the recesses of my heart and clean out space for a new life of my own. Honoring my inner beauty, I want to be intentional in planting new, life-giving seeds. As I pray for my children, I can learn to open my heart wider and receive God's love, too.
It's no surprise that in order to weed effectively, I need to kneel.
Have you been weeding lately, too?